haven't had time to blog these past few days, although there's so much i wanna write about. life is great for me right now and i'm loving every minute of it.

the other day was my monthsary and i spent the day with him, and for me, it was such a memorable day. there was a car stuffing contest in school which is held annually by a frat in UP, and his org(anization) signed up for it. after class we had late lunch at his aunt's restaurant in katipunan then went to his place to watch White Chicks. after that we went back to school for the car stuffing event. when we got there he introduced me to his orgmates and they were all really nice to me (which i don't understand... i was never really that nice to any of those people because Francis spends sooo much time with them, actually more time with them than with me so okay i'll admit it, i get jealous sometimes. well i wasn't "not nice" to them but i was never really very friendly with any of them, coz of the reason i stated earlier. but the other day they were all really nice to me.) they kept asking me to join the contest as a part of their team, and i didn't have the guts to say no coz if i did, that would just be plain snobbish. so i did, and i couldn't believe what i was doing. here i was being friendly with the group of people towards whom i felt so much bitterness, but i decided i'd just put that aside and try to get along for Francis' sake.
I never really hated those people individually, in fact i always thought they were pretty cool. it was just the fact that i got hurt coz sometimes i felt like Francis would rather be with them than with me. but now i understand the situation better because we talked about it already, and i don't have any ill feelings for them anymore, namimiss ko nalang yung boyfriend ko pag nauubos oras niya doon but i don't hate the org anymore.
anyway, after i registered, francis said "sumali ka?" with this kinda surprised look on his face and i said "oo". he hugged me real tight and said "aww I'm so proud!", and kissed me hard on the forehead.

that was it. after i saw how happy my boyfriend was just because i joined that one event adn actually tried to be around those people, i decided i'd quit being jealous of them, and just try to get along. they're all really nice, so i guess it's to my advantage na rin if i get to know these people better. i actually won't feel so jealous anymore when francis spends time with them, coz i know who they are already and actually got to spend a little time with them. and they were all so nice to me, and i felt bad when i saw how nice they were. so i decided i'd just try to get along with these people because they're pretty cool and they could be my friends too, and also because i know it's going to make Francis really happy to see thay i'm actually trying to get along with them. That's what he's always wanted but i was never willing to make an effort to befriend them, because i felt they were taking Francis away from me (if you only knew exactly how much time Francis spends with them and how sometimes i have to understand why he has to be with them and not with me, you'd understand. ).
This is a really big step for me, because all this time, eversince our relationship started (which was not very recent at all) i already felt this way towards them. you can't blame me also, because i tried to understand as much as i could. and believe me, at times it gets really hard to try to understand why your boyfriend would rather be with his org than with you. that's how i feel, but now things are a bit clearer. i hope from now on things will be easier, and i probably won't find it too hard to hang on to this relationship anymore, now that i understand better how things are and i've already taken the first step to being friends with these people and getting to know them a bit better.

it always hurts to accept the fact that they're more important to him than me. but it's a bit easier now, knowing that my boyfriend just sees it as work, and as on obligation he has to fulfill because he joined the org. i really hope this makes things easier, that i won't feel like i can't take the fact that i'm just second to this group of people anymore.

saw The Incredibles with Francis today. it was cool, but i'd probably give it 85/100. it was amusing but the plot was ok, nothing spectacular. still, nothing compares to the plot of Minority Report, for me the best-written story in history.

i can see how my dad has a hard time allowing me to go out with Francis. not because he doesn't like him, it's nothing personal. my mom thinks Francis is a great boy. She says she'd rather have me like Francis than any other guy (naks!haha). it's funny coz you'd think my dad is the cool-with-everything kinda guy, but with Francis, his side that i've never seen before peeps out.. his possessiveness and paranoia. hahaha! my dad, possessive?!? since when?!? super funny, i swear. for anyone who knows my dad, it would be very difficult to believe that there's such a side to him. i think it's cute tho, the way my dad behaves in this situation. parang bata na hindi malaman kung anong gagawin niya. haha! perfect example-- i asked permission to go watch a movie this morning, so he asked who i was gonna be with and how i was gonna get there. when i told him that Francis was gonna pick me up, suddenly he goes,in a tone i have never heard from him in my life,like a confused kid forced to choose between ice cream and candy under time pressure-- "hindi ko alam eh!" (said rather slowly) funny, i swear! i looove my dad!

it's a good thing that no matter how bad things get, lahat nadadaan sa maayos na usapan. i was steaming with anger last saturday, but a simple phonecall and expression of feelings and exchange of thoughts was able to fix everything. it's true that communication is the key to a good relationship. (actually, the conversation wasn't so simple... noh hon? wahaha ;P)

this is my journal and i'll say what i want to.

why can't you answer my questions? why do you give me different and irrelevant answers? if last night you were honest enough to tell me your intentions i would not be mad right now. please don't cause me to think that you're not being completely honest. kung sila ang mas gusto mong kasama, sabihin mo lang sakin tanggap ko na yun, matagal na sobra. you should not have asked me to go out in the first place. coz when i found some other way to be able to spend time with you since i wasn't allowed to go out di ka rin pala pwede kasi kasama mo yung mga tao na kasama mo na buong araw, kagabi, nung isang araw,mula last week at kung kailan pa... kung ayaw mo akong kasama sabihin mo lang madali naman ako kausap eh lalayo nalang ako. haha i know what you're gonna say next, sasabihin mo binibigyan mo parin naman ako ng oras kahit busy ka. alam ko yun, nakikita ko yun. eh ngayong hindi ka na busy sino parin kinakasama mo? shempre sila parin! why not diba? second barkada mo naman sila eh, sino ba naman ako na mag demand ng oras mo diba? sabay lang naman na sumama ka dun sa mga tao na yun at nakilala mo ko pero sino ba naman ako na humingi ako ng oras mo diba?? ginagawan ko ng paraan na magkita tayo tapos ikaw pa magagalit? and everytime magalit ako, you say mababaw? hello! alam ko you think i'm dumb but I'M FUCKING NOT and it's about fucking time you figured that out. naghehesitate ako na isulat 'to but if i don't let this out now, never again will i find the courage to. unang una i don't get mad unless provoked itanong mo pa LAHAT ng kaibigan ko. so everytime i get mad na according to you "bigla bigla", tangina may rason yun. MAY RASON YUN. lagi nalang kasi AKO ang mali diba? diba?? diba laging ako? diba laging ako ang unreasonable at nagagalit para sa walang rason? tapos you say na ako ang nagrereklamo na ikaw palpak??....hindi ako siraulo na nag-iimagine ng mga bagay bagay. pag ako sa tingin ko may mali ka na nasasaktan ako, sinasabi ko sayo at kinakausap kita. putangina kung may galit ka sakin, sabihin mo! wag mo idaan sa di pag rereply o sa silent treatment kausapin mo ako! wag mo idaan sa joke na sa tingin mo bobo ako kasi hindi ako tanga, nararamdaman ko yun na sa tingin mo bobo ako. NARARAMDAMAN KO YUN. porque hindi ako pumasa ng UP Diliman at hindi ako matalino sa math, no matter what other people say, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME LESS OF A PERSON and i know that for a fact. problema kasi sakin wala akong pride, or should i say nasimot na yung pride ko. itanong mo pa closest friends ko. kunga alam mo lang na tuwing nagkakaproblema tayo, i try to find reasons to blame everything on me, i try to convince myself na ako ang may kasalanan. if they found out na ganito na ako ngayon, magugulat sila. so it always ends up looking like i'm the one na mali because i'm always the one who says sorry kahit may rason naman talaga na nagalit ako. kasi, like you said, kung hindi ako magsosorry, walang mangyayari sa atin. naman... i hope you realize na hindi ako bobo, and the truth is, I DON'T FUCKING GET MAD FOR NO FUCKING REASON. PUTANGINA KAHIT SA TINGIN MO BOBO AKO, HINDI AKO BOBO! SANA MAKITA MO YON! HINDI AKO BOBO! HINDI AKO BOBO! TANGINA HINDI AKO BOBO! alam ko magagalit ka pag binasa mo 'to. sana isipin mo naman na marami din akong tinitiis kasi mahal kita at gusto kong mag tagal tayo. sana maisip mo na i try my very best to make things work, at hindi lang ako ang makakapag ayos nito. sana maisip mo na tinitiis ko na mas mahal kita ng sobra kaysa mahal mo ako at nandito parin ako kahit nararamdaman ko yun ng sobra. TANG INA, HINDI AKO SIRAULO AT HINDI DIN AKO BOBO. tao din ako, i am capable of reason. grabe... i don't want to feel like the underdog and the dumb one anymore. ayoko na ng konting hindi ka natuwa, bibigay na ako. sana maintindihan mo when i start standing up for myself. coz i have to.

Kiko David: hon question masaya ka pa ba sa akin?
sammaquino: duh! oo naman noh. sabi ko nga sa email ko diba, SOBRA
sammaquino: ikaw ba hon, masaya ka pa ba sakin?
Kiko David: honestly...
Kiko David: OO naman!! kailangan pa bang i memorize yan? hehe
sammaquino: ngerk! hindi nga?seryoso ako
Kiko David: oo nga kulit naman hehe jk! syempre naman y hindi diba?
Kiko David: i got everything i wanted and needed except for the hyt and extra laman haha jk lang hon labs u!

even though i'm short, it's good to know.

i watched Francis dance for his org presentation today. He was so cute I swear! I love him so much! hehe :D

wow, i actually have a bit of free time right now before i go to sleep. i've been indescribably busy these past few weeks.

so far, the first days of my 2nd sem in UP have been quite interesting. in no other school will you find such a variety of yes, students, but professors as well. this morning was the first time our class met with our Economics 11 teacher, Prof. Winnie Monsod. She's so good, i swear. She makes Economics really interesting.
My second professor for the day was Mr.Jerry Lanuza. Mann, i have NEVER encountered a person like him before. He seems like he used to have a set of beliefs, but chose to let go of all those because those were "stuffed" into him and now chooses to live a life that is, according to him, non-conformist. Hard core atheist. says the person that is truly free is one who does not obey his conscience. Says God is not real, that God is made up, says Purpose Driven Life is shit, says P.I. as if it were just a common expression. I've heard of people like him before but i've never really met anyone like him before. I'm looking forward to hearing more of what's going on inside his "autonomous" brain, but i dread it will make me hate him. i can't afford to hate a prof coz then i won't find a reason to study for his subject. God, i'll really be needing you help on this one. I'll be needing patience and understanding.
this guy is just so, so, i don't know how to describe him. he's really different. he thinks very very differently. i'll make more kwento about him next time. that's already a sure long entry.

I realized that Francis and I aren't as sweet to each other as couples normally are. i guess it's because he's just not the sweet type. but hey, i love him exactly for what he is. i know he may not be the sweetest guy there is, but i love him just the same. it's too bad tho, coz i know for a fact that there's so much lambing and thoughtfulness and "sweetness" inside me, but i don't really get to show it coz somehow i feel if i do, my efforts won't be reciprocated. but hey, i'm not complaining. What matters the most is that I'm happy with him, and he makes me happy through other means.